Young Underpaid Professionals

Yep, it’s another Fried-day gentle readers, and you’re probably ready to spout fire by now. Here’s another hit at the Young Underpaid Professional’s Corpo Dictionary, from Moanday to the Manicorn.

Moanday. According to the Overlord herself, Moanday is the day of the week when you moan that you don’t want to go to work. You moan through breakfast that you will come down with the flu at any second (you even try a few coughs to hurry it along), you moan while waiting for the FX, and you moan all the way to the office. At the office, you find that your friends are moaning along with you, filling the entire floor with wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Office Paranoia. This is pretty common in all call centers and BPOs. It doesn’t matter what account you’re working for, what company, and how many years that account has been there; there will be rumors flying about that everybody is about to lose their jobs because the company is closing or the account is pulling out. Most of the time, this isn’t true, just wishful thinking on the parts of the Peons who wish for reprieve from the torment in the most spectacular ways (like a meteor hitting the building or somebody spontaneously combusting). Sometimes though, the rumors are true and signs of the account closing include Upper Management jumping ship.

Diet. The typical Yuppie diet consists of fast food, Ministop/7-Eleven fare, and jollijeep food. These don’t necessarily fill the nutritional requirements of a human body, but since they are cheap and easily accessible, they fuel the general workforce who have pitiful excuses for Salaries.

Exercise Regiment. This is purely theoretical in the case of many Yuppies and consists of standing up and sitting down or pushing the elevator button and waiting. According to wasabikid, this also includes neck stretches (i.e. stretching to the left and to the right to get better reception of Office Gossip).

Income Tax. The bane of every person who has a Salary. This is far worse than Satan tempting you into oblivion and the Apocalypse. Satan’s rewards gratifies instantaneously and that’s enough to make people turn a blind eye. As for the Apocalypse, it is set to happen once. Tax? Every. Single. Month.

Office Crush. At the moment, he or she is the object of your obsession, eherm, attentions. The criteria for the Office Crush varies from person to person, though the best Office Crushes possess (along with the other exemplary virtues) a density rivalled only by a diamond and/or an equally excellent spouse or spouse equivalent. Basically, the more unreachable, the better. Apparently, pining for somebody you can never have is far more romantic than having a real relationship.

Promotion. For some Yuppies, a Promotion belongs to the Mythical Creatures department, along with Job Security and the Manicorn, since achieving it is sometimes as hard as attaining Nirvana. One will have to go through epic (as in arduous, biblical) trials, and do Hard Work, among other things (see Ass-Kissing) for this near-mythical prize. Due to the fact that some companies simply do not have room for growth, you can do one of two things, a. go and strangle your boss or b. goad your boss into resigning. These are not surefire ways to getting a Promotion though, as there is such a thing as Getting Passed Over.

Vacation. A state of delusion where one thinks he is free from the shackles of slavery (Work). It just has a placebo effect. It lulls you into a false sense of relaxation that almost makes you forget that you are On Call. And Big Brother is always watching. Always.

Buzz Words. In the media industry, this is what your boss throws around like stray kittens. The real purpose of these nasty pieces of nauseating literature is simply 1.) to confuse you, and more importantly 2.) to make it appear your superior knows MORE than you do, not that they understand the vocal poison they spew or anything. They just want to appear that way.

Twalay. (Spelled Twilight, also known as Ang-Haba-ng-Hair-ni-Bella.) This is the most inexplicable bestselling series on the face of the planet, proving that there is absolutely no justice in the universe.

Manicorn. According to Rica’s officemate Val, a Manicorn is a man who is cute, smart, funny, and generally perfect – too bad they don’t exist.

Did you like this post? Let us know.

Unlike