I remember that super flash fiction activity we had back in the hell hole, the 50-word story (Note: If the title of the activity wasn’t self-explanatory for you, you can see mine and Rica’s submissions for the said activity here and here.], and I realized that most of the people I know do it on a daily basis – in status messages. Most status messages in Facebook or YM (or Twitter, let’s not get into that) give me ulcer, but some of my more enlightened (and grammatically adept) friends have the most amusing things to say in 140 words or less.
When you think about it, status messages are the best avenues for venting out whatever murderous vibes you’re feeling, or sharing your elation after recovering your accidentally deleted website (…that sounded vaguely familiar. Moving on). They are also quite efficient in conveying your innermost desires, thinly veiled passive-aggressive threats, hardly subtle wink-wink-nudge-nudge hints to the opposite sex, and displaying your forever ignored busy sign, among other things.
Hmm, where to start. It’s a Friday, and you’re probably suffering from the sickness (being sick of going to work) so I’ll start with the light stuff.
(Remember, these status messages are from people I know personally, just thought I’d like to say in case you’re planning to copy the said status messages. My friends and I, as you will later see, share a comparable state of mind; birds of the same feather are the same bird after all. Oh, and the stuff in parenthesis are my comments, not part of the status messages themselves.)
Annabs is having a Cristine Reyes epiphany. (I know, I know. Ondoy jokes are rarely in good taste, but this one inspires images of wet t-shirts and the amazing effects of looking good in them, even sans make-up.)
Mai. Poetry used to be okay way back when printing song lyrics on art paper and using them as notebook cover was still in style. (I quite agree. I think poetry is only cool when you’re a. in high school and don’t know any better, or b. Pablo Neruda.)
Ahorney. Humanda na kayo, kampon ng kadiliman! Oras na ng pagtutuos, kasamaan ninyo’y dapat matapos!
Ahorney. Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.
Annabs. you end i me end you
Jerico. Life is like Schodinger’s cat. You just have to have the guts to open the box.
Jex. You suck, universe. And i’m still STILL craving for cheese tofu.
Ode to exasperation
There are days when the universe conspires to piss you off, and those days inspire some of the most brilliant status messages in the history of forever.
Jex. Hindi lahat ng updates sa games at apps ay kailangan i-publish. Merong SKIP button. Baka lang gusto nyong gamitin.
Angel. Oo, busy ako. Hindi andyan ang busy sign kasi trip ko lang.
Ahorney. I’LL RIP YOUR KNEECAPS OFF YOU PUNK-ASS BITCH!
Annabs. Wala nang mas clingy pa sa opisina.
Ahorney. Be aggressive. B-E AGGRESSIVE.
Annabs is living her life in between narcolepsy and insomnia.
Lei. Were you born retarded or raised stupid?
Mjay. Nagsusungit ka nanaman. Daig mo pa ang sampung dalagang may regla at isang matandang dalaga.
Madel. ay bumili na ng watergun para sa may mga dalang bulaklak sa valentine’s day! beware! bwahahaha!
That’s it for now; I’ll be collecting more status messages. In the meantime, I’m taking Madel’s advice and bringing a watergun with me on Sunday.
