Young Underpaid Professionals

FICTION posted by Rem

“In the face of true love, you don’t just give up even if the object of your affection is begging you to…”

I forgot where I heard this quip…it could be from Chuck Bass or from Lucas Scott, heck maybe even from Dawson Leery. Perhaps this naive and somewhat valiant way of looking at true love occupied my mind as I traversed the long and pothole-ridden roads of the north that led me to the disaster that is you, my dear Alex.

I’ve heard rumors and talks about how you felt about me, about the possibility of an “us”. At the same time, I also heard discouragement from very concerned friends who said that I’m basically committing emotional suicide; that by going to where you are I’m actually entering the deepest, innermost circle of hell. Though I heard them all, I chose to listen to the rumors and talks – the rest I treated as white noise – you hear it, but it is nothing but minute and insignificant.

This should be the part where I tell, in great detail, about the things that happened in that cheap motel room we shared. This is the part where I recount every whisper, every tear, every cigarette smoked & stubbed. The beginning of the end.

But I am too tired to remember. Rephrase that – I don’t want to remember.

The days after the last time we had a decent conversation (which is ironically the first time I was really honest with you) is like one big emotional vortex – with me always forgetting to remember to forget that our “us” did happen albeit for just a night. Now, I make various mental notes (and even real notes that you could actually read and touch) to remember to forget. It has found a cozy, comfortable spot in my daily checklist:

•       put water in radiator (check)
•       bring earphones to office to drown the office boredom (check)
•       glasses, glasses, you wear eyeglasses now, bring. (check)
•       money in wallet (check)
•       buy cigarettes and candies  (check)
•       lighter? (check)
•       remember to forget (check)
•       pick up Mom from her work (check)

I’ve heard rumors and I’ve heard talks and I thought that the saying “if there’s smoke, there’s fire” is one of those universal truths that is hard to contest. I forgot to remember that smoke could come during and after a fire. If it comes during a fire, then maybe you’re lucky – you’re in for a show.  If you come after the fire, then, you’re left with only smoke and ashes. My Alex is only smoke and ashes.

So to you Chuck Bass (or Lucas or Dawson), bear in mind (make a mental note and put it in your daily checklist) – that oftentimes the face of true love is just a façade. Only smoke and ashes.

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